


The Most Painful Thing is to Remember

by stony1998



Series: Sexy, Cute, or Angsty One-Shots [15]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Captain Hydra, M/M, Not Happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-23
Updated: 2016-05-23
Packaged: 2018-06-10 04:27:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6939697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stony1998/pseuds/stony1998
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They both let each other fall, in their own ways. They both bring each other back, in their own hearts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Most Painful Thing is to Remember

Steve's hand reaches out just a moment too late. Bucky plummets to the ground screaming, his face looking up toward Steve, his eyes filled with sorrow and regret. Steve can't look away.  
*************  
He's on the plane, and there's only one possible way to stop it. That means taking himself with it. He wonders, if Bucky were beside him, or on the other end of the line, would this be so easy? 

He stares at the water, wishing for a split second that Bucky was here. Even though it's a selfish thing he wishes he could have held him as he too plummeted, his heart breaking because the last thing he sees, hears, feels isn't Bucky. 

He sees the cold, icy ocean. He hears Peggy calling his name. He feels the shield, the only thing that might offer him some form of protection in his hands. He doesn't try very hard to escape his fate.  
***************  
When he wakes up he's connected to a bunch of machines and restrained. His brain tells him to struggle, but he calms himself for a moment and looks around best he can. This looks like a laboratory. 

He tries to remember how he ended up here. But, the last thing he remembers he was crashing into the ocean, feeling as though his life was sucked out of him the moment he hit the freezing water. Apparently not.

"Captain America. So good to see you awake." 

He knows that voice, that thick, harsh accent. He tries to tell himself he's shaking because he's still cold. "Where am I?" He demands, straining against the bonds.

Arnim Zola steps into sight, a small deceiving smile playing on his lips. "It does not matter Captain. Or should I say Steven?"

Steve narrows his eyes. "What are you doing to me?"

"Now, that is a good question! And good questions deserve answers, yes? Well Captain, I am going to reform you."

"Reform me? What do you mean?"

Zola steps out of sight. Steve hears typing, but he can't see what's going on. "By definition it means that I am going to make you better Captain. You will be the perfect soldier, as Hydra intended."

"Like hell I will." Steve bites, struggling harder. 

Zola tsks and comes into view, putting what feels like two metal disks on either side of Steve's head. "Captain you should be happy, overjoyed."

Steve glares. "Why would I be?"

Zola's smile is so cruel that Steve shudders. "Well Captain, you are not the only one that is to be reformed."

Steve's confused for a moment. Then it clicks and his eyes widen. "Bucky."

Zola laughs mockingly. "Yes, we found him in the ice before we found you. He is meant to be our Winter Soldier." He leans over, grabs a device that Steve faintly realizes is hooked to the things around his head. "Perhaps he and Captain Hydra will work together one day."

Before Steve can say a word there is a searing bolt of pain running through his temples and he screams. 

Steve wakes up, disorientated. He doesn't know where he is, why he's here, why he's got a pounding headache.

A man comes into view. A short man with round eyeglasses. He looks familiar but Steve can't place him. 

"What is your name?" The man asks in a thick accent.

Steve looks at him, confusion making his head pound that much more. "Steve. Steve Rogers. Please, why am I here? Where's Bucky? I need help."

"Yes, and you will receive it." 

Then it feels like his skulls on fire. He can barely scream before he's out. 

He looks around, confusion mingled with a burning pain setting him off guard. When he sees a man approach he reaches to him, only realizing he's restrained. 

"What is your name?" The man asks, his accent making him wince.

"I... I don't know." He says, trying to think hard. "I can't remember. Help me." 

"You are called Captain Hydra. You are an assassin for Hydra's forces. You have no kin, no family, no acquaintances. You know Hydra and Hydra alone."

He can't remember. He tries, but the harder he tries the more of a headache he gets. 

"My name?"

"You have no name Captain." The man says. He begins to release him and the captain allows it, sitting up when he's done. 

"What happened to me?" 

"Our adversaries are great. We nearly lost you in a great battle. But it is of no import. You are here now." Zola throws up both arms. "Hail Hydra." 

The Captain hesitates for a moment. But soon he throws up his arms as well, and with much less enthusiasm chants, "Hail Hydra."  
\---------------  
The Captain opens his eyes to bright lights and stone walls. There's someone uncomfortably close to him and so he reaches out and grabs the man, suffocating him on instinct. 

"Captain, stand down."

He throws the body away and steps down from the odd contraption he's in. It's like this every time it seems. He's always slightly disoriented, always burning with some unsettling emotion. He stares at the unfamiliar man, his mouth set in a grim line.

"How are you feeling Captain?"

The Captain doesn't speak. He can't remember what his voice might sound like. He can't remember ever speaking.

"I'll take that as well. Do you know who I am."

He doesn't. He doesn't know any of these people, can't remember seeing any of them in his life. His life... He can't remember his life. Can't even remember his name. 

"I am the current head of Hydra, Alexander Pierce. I have a mission for you."

The Captain simply stares, waiting for his orders. He wants to question the man, wants to untangle the thoughts jumbled in his mind. He doesn't.

"Your assignment is to kill this man. Swiftly and stealthily." The man says, handing the Captain a file. The Captain takes it in his gloved hand, examining it. "Nick Fury is a crafty man. But I assume you'll be able to complete you task simply enough?" 

The Captain flips through the file, analyzing the information, memorizing what he knows will be useful. The mans a spy. A very accomplished spy. The Captain hands the file back and straightens. 

"Good." Pierce says with a smirk. "You'll be equipped in the next room. I want it done by tomorrow night. Any questions?"

'Who-What am I?' 

"No? Good." The man nods, and turns on his heel. "Good luck Captain."  
\----------------  
The mission is a success but it feels like failure. He hadn't been aware there'd be heroes in the premises. 

He'd gotten to Fury relatively easily. He'd taken the shot from a rooftop the next building over. He had seen Fury go down. He hadn't expected the red headed woman to look over and see him. He truly didn't expect her to start running after him, much less actually keep up for quite a while. 

And then the man with the arrows. He appeared out of nowhere. He had put on arrow in Captain's shoulder before Captain was even aware he was in the vicinity. 

Luckily, Hydra had a way out for him. Otherwise... Well he did have a gash in his shoulder and a deep wound in his arm from a bullet shot by the woman. 

Now he faces the man Pierce. He surveys Captain with a blank face, walking around him and studying his wounds. 

"Was the mission accomplished at least?" The Captain nods once and the man sighs. "Well we've got the Avengers searching for you. And they won't be strayed easily. So, we're going to have to take care of the situation."

There's an unsettling quiet that settles over them. The Captain doesn't understand. What are the Avengers? How is he going to take care of the situation?

"Bring him in boys." Pierce says, still staring at the Captain. 

The Captain looks to the door to see two men escorting another into the room. He's got a mask covering the lower portion of his face, sunglasses covering his eyes and dark, long hair. He's the opposite of Captain. Captain has seen reflections of himself, he knows he's got light blonde hair and blue eyes. His suit covers the top portion of his head, not the bottom. His suit has the striking red Hydra insignia on the chest, same as his shield. This mans suit is all blacks. 

The Captain has an odd feeling in his chest. He's never felt like this before. 

"This, is The Winter Soldier." Pierce says to Captain. "He's to be your partner for your next mission."

'Partner?' Captain looks at the man, the feeling in his chest annoying him now. He realizes faintly that it's longing. He's known this man. 

"Your mission, boys, is to get rid of the Avengers." Pierce says, throwing three files down on the table in front of him. "If you fail, then you're dead. So I suggest you work together."

Captain approaches the table and begins to flip through the files. He realizes faintly that the man, The Winter Soldier, has not moved. He glances back. He's still standing between the two men. 

"Soldier."

For some reason Captain looks over at the call. It feels.. Familiar. Nothing feels familiar anymore. Or, nothing has until now. Until this man, this Winter Soldier. 

Pierce stares at Captain, having seen him respond to the call. He chooses to ignore it, and turns his head towards The Winter Soldier. "Approach the table and examine the files. We can't afford any mistakes."

The soldier approaches the table and stands shoulder to shoulder with Captain. And Captain realizes, deep down, he should know this man. This man, his new partner... this isn't their first time being together.  
\-------------------  
This is a literal fight for his life. He doesn't know if it's worth it. 

Captain and the Soldier fight side by side, neither truly leading. But, they're in tune with each other. It's almost as though they know what the other is going to do long before he does it. 

The Avengers are proving to be terribly great adversaries. Captain holds his shield over his face, deflecting a blast from Iron Man. At the same time he's fighting with the woman, Black Widow. They're in close combat, all five of them. The soldier and he are back to back, tossing the shield between each other, switching roles in a heartbeat.

The soldier has an arm unlike anything Captain has seen. It's all metal, and whirs when he throws it back. It calibrates itself as needed. It seems painful. For some reason Captain hopes it isn't. 

It happens when the soldier grabs his shoulder and physically moves him out of the way, deflecting a blow from Black Widow with his metal arm.

The placement of the hand on his body, it seems, brings back memories. He remembers an orphanage. And as they continue to move, as they continue to touch and fight in an almost intimate manner he remembers sleeping in the same bed as a boy that kept him safe, kept him fed and tended his sick body. He remembers aches and pains and a name. Bucky. 

The soldier, Bucky, the Captain knows this must be Bucky, grabs Hawkeye's arm and there's a stomach turning snap and then a blood curdling scream. In the same moment the Captain throws the shield up toward Iron Man, hitting him hard in the center of the chest where a blue light glows. The shield bounces back and he's just in time to hit Black Widow hard in the chest, sending her flying into the stone wall. And then it's two to one.

He remembers a smile, an arm thrown affectionately around his shoulder from a taller man that smelled of sweat and cheap cologne. But he smiles, because it smelled of home. It smelled of hard work and late mornings and long embraces. He remembers lazy drawing, earnest sketches, the light just right in brown hair and big brown eyes. He looks to the man beside him as he tosses the shield to him and punches the mask of Iron Man. All he wants is for Bucky to remember him like he remembers Bucky. But the soldier is oblivious.

This fight, it should be simple with two down and one to go but it seems so much harder than before. The Captain is tired, physically and mentally. He's lagging behind and the soldier is working harder to pick up the slack. The Captain was struggling to remember one crucial detail. He was distracted. Despite the soldiers best efforts, his distraction came with a price. 

"Me name is Steve Rogers." He said softly, looking down at himself, at the shield. 

Bucky heard him and turns, eyes wide. And that's when Iron Man shoots Steve Rogers, right in the chest. And Rogers goes down hard.

Iron man raises his arm, points it at the soldier. But he's running to the fallen Captain. Iron Man lets his arm fall and raises his visor cautiously, observing. The soldier kneels beside the Captain, he remembers Steve Rogers, and rips off the cowl. 

"Surrender, Winter Soldier. It's over."

It all comes back to him so quickly it almost hurts. The orphanage, the sickly boy, the fights, the laughs, the drawings... the love. He rips off his mask. "Steve." He says softly, tears coming to his eyes. "Steve, it's me Bucky. It's James."

Steve is spilling blood from his chest, there's some trickling from the corner of his mouth, and his left eye is all but swollen shut. But he manages a slight smile anyway. He can't breath and his eyes are starting to close. "Guess this is the end of the line." He says softly, tears streaming from the corner of his eyes and into his hair. 

Bucky lets the tears fall, lets them drop onto Steve's face as he takes the mans hand and leans down, kissing him as gently as he can. "I'm with you Steve." He whispers softly.

Steve looks at him with softened eyes. He tries to raise his arm, Bucky can feel it. But his eyes flutter close and he goes limp. He's gone.

Bucky can't move. He stares at Steve face, at his eyes and his mouth, at his forehead, hoping that there'd be a little twitch, a sign of life. The hand he is holding begins to grow cold. Steve's gone. Bucky's heart shatters. Despite it all, the tears have dried up. He finds, no matter how much he wants to, he can't cry.

He stirs when he feels a hand on his shoulder. He glances back and sees Black Widow. 

"You're the Winter Soldier, right?" She says softly. She's not looking at him, but at the still body that lies beside him.

"My name is Bucky." He says softly. 

"Okay Bucky." She says softly. "We need to take you in now. We're just going to ask you some questions. You don't have to worry, you're safe."

He looks at the still body of his love and can't help but think that there's nothing further from the truth.  
***********************  
The Avengers take Bucky in. After learning of what had happened to him, to the Captain America they all knew tales of, there was no question as to whether or not they would.

Bucky takes the shield and scrubs away the stains on black and red. He has it replaced with its original colors. 

Every time he holds it he thinks of all the wrong that he had done, all the wrong Steve was forced to do. What Steve died for. How Steve died. Beside Bucky. And he hadn't managed to save him, the one thing he ever truly loved. He's alone in a world he could never hope to understand, never hope to be a part of. 

He dons the original suit, takes up the shield and the title of Captain America. He never feels worthy of any of it. But, he does it anyway. To carry out the legacy. To do what Steve would. Not for himself, not to wash away his sins, not for the Avengers, not even for America. He did it for Steve. Because for Bucky, it'll never be the end of the line.

**Author's Note:**

> My second sad one this week. Hehehe. Comment and tell me how horrid I am, I totally deserve it


End file.
